Athlete Talk’s Drive to the Finals UPDATE #4!

Hey ladies,

It’s time for… UPDATE #4. Let’s get right to it.

#1: cmerri5 gets the “Warren Buffet” award. Last I saw, you were fairly far down with no upside in sight. Then, bam… you are #1 in the AT pool and #306 in the whole NBA.com pool. I’ll have to give it to you; a big reason of your success was NOT picking Dirk in game 5 of the Mavs/Spurs series. You picked Luol Deng instead, who blew up for 33 overall points. You then picked Dirk in the Mavs’ last game of the season, where he had 42. Way to go.  You still suck though. (PS- If you win the grand prize, split it with ya boy)

#2: TxKing – This is Kenny, right? Well, I’m pretty sure it is. If it’s not, disregard everything I’m about to say. Kenny King was Daniel Davis’ (Dan’s Entry is gonna spank yours) roommate our Sr. year in college. Neither Dan nor I had class on Friday, so we would turn the tv up, drink a lot of beer and eat wings well into every Thursday nights. Unfortunately, Kenny would always ruin our fun by having a test the next day. One time, I think he even made me leave. Granted, it was like 1:30 AM, but still Kenny, you definitely ruined my fun that night. Be prepared to have a very “special gift” mailed to you if you win. I don’t know what that had to do with rankings, but it really brings my piss to a boil.

#3: OKC THUNDER gets the “I live at home so I have all day to do stupid shit like play NBA Drive to the Finals award”. Although maybe I can’t hate too much, since #1: I’m sure I wouldn’t do nearly as well even if I lived at home, and #2: He admits liking the OKC Thunder. That has to get you somewhere. Just nowhere in life.

#jgc04b – What happened? I remember you being in double digits rank for some of the contest. Just like my dick.

One more award goes to Will Hornbuckle, aka Will for least creative nickname, and squeaking under the radar this whole time. You’re not good or bad. You’re just there, kind of like Adam Morrison. Definitely closer to bad than good.

#11: it BURNS when bondrook dominates gets the “Tiger Woods” award. Once upon a time, you were on the top. Now you are sucking, your wife is about to leave, your swing coach just resigned, and you have herpes.

Keep talking trash on the boards, men. It’s about to get really interesting.

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Ron Artest GUESSES That He Plays Good defense

After the incredibly awesome game Saturday between the Utah Jazz and the Los Angeles Lakers, I found myself doing something I rarely do…watch the post-game press conference!  Usually, after the final horn out out of that bitch faster than Vince Carter out of a rebounding drill.  However, this time I lingered around to watch Kobe and Artest talk about this epic matchup, really truly a great game, between the Lakers and Jazz.  In the post-game, Artest is asked about the last second shot.

“I made him cut hard so he missed.”  What?  DO YOU MEAN HE CROSSED YOUR ASS AND YOU WERE STUMBLING BACKWARDS?!?!?

The tape don’t lie, you were stumbling backwards Artest.  Next time maybe you can admit it when you are lucky and a player misses a good look.

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5/10 – Athlete Talk’s Monday Morning Double Shot!

Good morning to all A.T. ‘ers out there, today we got a tweet and a link for ya to get your week started! Hope this helps chase the sandman’s buggers from your eyes so you can see your excel spreadsheet.  8am on Monday is too early to reconcile invoices! Wait ’til after your double shot!

I can’t take credit for this link, Abhi actually found it as he was digging through old newspaper articles for his place of employment, which I can old assume is an old newspaper museum.  However, I really really like this link as I am a HUGE fan of Coors Original.  Drink it all the time.  I am in no way a country boy, but those old-fashioned commericals they run today always get to me.  Hell yes I would like a simpler time, one where I could just go to work and then drink Coors Original after it.  In fact, lets make my reminiscent life even simpler and skip the work part.  I just want to drink Coors Original.

Anyway, if you move down to the bottom right hand side you’ll see an ad for Coors Original from October 12, 1933. Coors spends most of the ad talking about how their beer is 4% Alcohol and it will get you buzzed but not drunk (Fuck That!), and the waitress serving the beer says “This Coors beer sho does liven up de party.” Now, while I do wish we could go back to a simpler time…I sincerely hope we can bring today’s advertisers with us.  In no way do I want to liven up my party by getting buzzed but not drunk.  Screw you Coors, are you trying to make me drive home legally?  Also, another funny part of this article is the NRA sign in the bottom left-hand corner of the ad…Why would Coors need to advertise their participation?  They want you to know you need to tip your waitress, because she’s probably got a conceal and carry license and will hunt you down like the no-tipping dog you are.

A strange thing happened this week in Dallas:  A women was walking to work downtown at 6 in the morning and was confronted by a mugger.  The mugger said “Give me your purse or I’ll shoot you.”  She replied, “Shoot me.”  Well, the mugger did as he was told and shot this poor lady in the head.  Somehow, she survived and is currently recovering in a local hospital down here.  When asked about her comments, she now seems to think she should have just given her assailant her purse. Oh well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right?  Well, hopefully at least smarter.

RealFakeSports RT @TiricoSuave The Dallas Braden PhotoShop you’ve been waiting almost two hours for: http://bit.ly/bradencentaur

AWESOME.  If only that were real life.  Or an A-Rod voodoo doll.

bigmacvikings Yo @Marcus2braids is that u I’m texting?

I really am not sure who you are texting…but I do know that I LOVE BODY PAINT!  When you click on the link, you’ll understand.

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Athlete Talk Links of the Week + TWEETS!!!

Wuuuut UP! Today at Athlete Talk we are mixing it up for a little bit and combing out usual LINKS of the week post with our Friday TWEETS post.  So, today you get 2 articles for the price of 1 click of your mouse.  A pretty good deal if you ask me.  Today in our LINKS post we talk about 2010 NBA free agents and their potential destinations, a trading error causes the stock markets to tank, and Adam “Make it Rain” Pacman Jones finding a new home in the NFL.

We’ll start off the LINKS with a little humor.  If you have never been to his site, DontEvenReply.com is a site where the owner responds to classified ads on Craigslist and other places with fictional AND HILARIOUS requests.  My favorites are Kittens for my Tiger, Attention Grabbing Ad, and Disguised Weapons.  If you haven’t read some of his stuff, you are definitely missing out.

Our next link continues the ‘off-topic’ trend, but I thought it was interesting none-the-less.  Today, the Dow-Jones Industrial Average plunged during the middle of the day, losing nearly 1000 pts near the low.  According to CNBC.com, the problem could have resulted from one trader typing B for billion instead of M for million resulting in a much larger than intended sell order.  Also, this drop would have triggered other stop-loss orders further amplying the lossess.  Poor trader, how quickly do you think he was fired for that mistake??  Fast, or Rush Limbaugh after insulting Donovan McNabb fast??

Our next LINK comes from the world of sports, actually.  I know it’s surprising that a sports site would talk about sports but we are going to try it out once and see what happens.  Adam “3am is the best time to fire shotguns” Jones is headed to Cincinnati, Ohio to play for the Chad OchoCinco and the Bengals.  I assume Jones was originally hired to be Ocho’s dance partner, but word out of Cincy is he might also “moonlight” as a defense back as well.  That would be the best thing Jones could do under the moonlight, as his previous adventures have been the problem.  So, I lost track…is this his last chance or his last-last chance?

Our next section of the LINKS focuses on the 3 NBA SUPERSTAR free agents who’s teams are done playing.  Now, all thats left for them is anticipation.  The great Free agent class of 2010 is almost upon us and these athletes are reaching a fork in the road of their NBA careers.  Clearly, Dwayne Wade did not want to be bounced in the first round of the playoffs.  Also, I highly doubt he wants to spend another year playing besides the rag-tag crew currently assembled in Miami.  Also, Chris Bosh and Toronto have to have a serious conversation about the direction of that franchise.  Even with the big off season acquisition of Hedo last year, Toronto played its way OUT of the playoffs after Bosh got hurt and nearly everyone is expecting him to leave after this season for more competitve pastures. Even Andy Roddick wants Bosh to leave.

Finally, another Superstar who could be on the move this summer is Dirk Nowitzki.  Not a lot of people are talking about him, and his options this summer.  But the Big German has the ability to opt out and move somewhere else in his quest to finally win a championship that thus far has eluded him.  Four teams in the history of the NBA have won 50+ games 10 straight seasons.  The Boston Celtics during the Russell years, the San Antonio Spurs from ’99 to 2009, the Lakers in the 80s.  These teams won a combined 16 CHAMPIONSHPS during those years where they won 50 or more games, so their continued dominance did often end in the ultimate prize.  The last team of those four teams is the Dallas Mavericks, who have won 50 + games each of the last 10 years.  They have no championships to their credit, and have often been bounced from the playoffs in the first or second round.    So, what is their strategy this offseason?  Do they re-sign Dirk and give it another shot with a similarly constructed team or do they blow shit up and move on?

Our next LINK is about Nate Robinson, and his $1M shortfall this season because he failed to play in two games for the Celtics at the end of the season.  If Robinson played in 58 games and the team makes the playoffs, he gets a $1M dollar bonus.  Let’s just say the Celtics made sure he didn’t reach that plateau.

The great Dwayne Wade Makes Links of the Week twice with his ongoing fight with his ex-wife, Siohvaughn.  While Ms. Wade has no shortage of cleavage (or vowels), she does appear to have a shortage of common sense with her recent lawsuit against DWade and Gabrielle Union.  It seems she is jealous because her/DWade’s sons only got “medium sized” gifts for Christmas, while Ms. Union got the “biggest gift of all.” I assume the biggest gift of all is a reference to Dwayne Wade’s penis.

So, that concludes our LINKS…but don’t go anywhere folks we still have our tweets section coming up!

J_Flynn Mike Bibby & Mini Me #sameperson

Hard to argue with that!  What happened to Mike Bibby by the way…I mean, I know he is roughly 54 years old but he and Jason Terry played together on the same team at Arizona.  The JET still contributes to the Mavs in a significant way where it seems like Bibby starts but everyone is waiting for Crawford to come off the bench and light it up. It’s sad he’s no more than a placeholder right now.  Starting PG in title but not much else.

sportsguy33 Sad news from the Atlanta sidelines: team doctors just euthanized Mike Bibby.

sportsguy33 New column: on Steve Kerr, the Suns and the creepy shadow of baggage. http://tinyurl.com/22lgs83

sportsguy33 Just did a local TV interview, joked about Orlando cougars + how it’s no wonder Tiger got into trouble. Went over like a fart in church.

The Sports Guy Phillip, er I mean BILL Simmons was inexplicable at the Magic game tonight.  Apparently there are some good looking middle aged ladies in Florida.  Who knew?

Fake_J_Russell I am currently at careerbuilder.com and Monster.com looks like I can get a job at McDonald’s really easy. #raiders #nfl

Poor JaMarcus Russell…the good news for him is some team will likely take a flyer on him.  Vikings? Speaking of, how Brett Favre-ish would it be for Favre NOT to come back this year.  Everyone is expecting him to.  How does he keep things interesting?  Stay retired.  It’s the only solution.

NoGuts_NoGlory #sblog Greg Paulus Is Still Trying To Play Football http://bit.ly/bMM8VM

Since I am a big Duke fan, I am hoping he makes the Saints team.  It would be awesome if he was able to play for 4 yrs in another sport, switch to football and then go pro.  Gatorade H.S. player of the year with a scholarship to Notre Dame.  He WAS a good High School QB.

jrich23 RT @dma314: Dunk contest vs Nate Robinson in China 2006 http://bit.ly/chcNO3

This was the first time in my life I wished I was in China.

That concludes our FIRST combined LINKS + TWEETS article!  You’re welcome.  Check out some of our older stuff here:

Athlete Talk Tweets of the Weekend! May 1st – 3rd

It’s the Internet SUCKA! April 21st Links of the Week!

Tweet-tastic Tuesday (4/20)

April 17-18th Tweets of the Weekend!

Tweets of the Day! Friday 4/16

– Carl

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Athlete Talk Tweets of the Weekend! May 1st – 3rd

Welcome to another edition of the Athlete Talk Tweets of the Weekend!  Today, we talk about Sports fandom, Dez Bryant and his “dry heaves” at rookie camp, and Chris Douglas-Roberts makes a surprising playoff prediction via twitter.

CollegeWolf
Superb piece: “Thinking about Tiger, Piston and sports fandom” – http://bit.ly/d9bGUa

Very true.  The article takes you through the reasons, the emotions, and the rollercoaster ride that is being a fan of a sports team.

Our second “tweet of the weekend” all started with this interaction:

AthleteTalk
Dez Bryant dry heaves at rookie camp: http://espn.go.com/blog/nflnation/post/_/id/23165/boys-bryant-out-of-breath-in-first-practice

HuddleHub
@AthleteTalk … Hopefully Dez Bryant will get healthier as the Dallas Cowboys season goes on.

AthleteTalk
@HuddleHub Yeah dude! Too much concern about a rookie camp. Reggie Bush worked out with L.T. before his rookie yr and puked his guts out.
@huddlehub I know Bush has had his critics, but I don’t think any of them think he is out of shape.
@huddlehub Here’s LT/Reggie article: http://www.usatoday.com/sports/football/nfl/2007-05-17-training-season_N.htm

I bring this up because I think it’s an interesting topic.  Do players puke because they are out of shape (probably partially), but at the same time players are puking because they have pushed themselves to the limit and beyond.  They could have slacked off on a route or two to get their wind back (trust me, I am a pro at this) but instead they push the limits and wind up puking.  If anything, doesn’t this show his mental toughness?  He is not willing to let fatigue get in the way of playing hard.

AthleteTalk @cdouglasroberts Any chance Boston upsets Cleveland?

cdouglasroberts @AthleteTalk it won’t be an upset. Us players know how good Boston is when healthy

Big prediction by CDR.  He may be an athlete so he knows just how good each team is…but my feeling is Cleveland has more talent, more youth and should win the series is Mike Brown could learn how to coach.  With that being said, Cleveland is going to have to win this series IN SPITE OF Mike Brown.  Tough to do against a (finally) healthy Boston Celtics team, it is true.  However, I would be my life against ‘Sheed having 2 more games like the one he had yesterday.

ThunderTreats
I hate LSU more now, didnt think it was possible RT @NoGuts_NoGlory: LSU Has Attendance Inflation Down To A Science http://bit.ly/9OoboI

Abhi, aren’t you offended? He’s hating on your Bayou Bengals…

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A.T. Drive to the Finals UPDATE #3!!

Welcome to the THIRD edition of Athlete Talk’s Drive to the Finals Fantasy League.  Now, all round 1 games are finally (and in some cases, mercifully) over (you know who you are Bucks – Hawks), and with Round 1 down we have some new poeple atop the leader board! Now, straight to the results:

#1: TxKing gets The Crown Royal Award for the person who most needs to drink before making his picks.  Seriously, how many shots of Crown do I have to buy you before you can be convinced that Brian Scalabrine is a good survivor pick. 10? 20? More?

#2: cmerri5 gets the Lindsey Hunter Award for most sexually confusing fantasy player name in our league. Are you a dude, like ‘Chris Merriweather’ and don’t realize the seductiveness of your username?  Close second is gnichol’s entry, my pen15 is confused by that one.  Are you ‘Gary Nichol’ and teasing me again!  Please keep in mind that I know absolutely no one in this league, so don’t your “feelers” hurt.   Congrats to cmerri5 for climbing into the top 3 this week after being somewhere in the middle for the first two updates.  See women and men can compete on a level playing field.  At Athlete Talk, there is no glass ceiling…but I wish there were glass floors!

#3: OKC THUNDER gets the 1st Annual Fear the Deer Award in honor of the Milwaukee Bucks being on the cusp of beating the heavily favored Atlanta Hawks in the 1st round.  OKC appeared in our 1st rankings, dropped out for the second round, but is now back in the Top 3 for our third edition.  Let’s hope you can continue to compete and not end up performing like the Bucks did in the final two games, where they shot 5% and 7% (respectively) from the field.

#14 & #15: shitassbutt and Surgeons23 get the Denver Nuggets Award for most likely to have put in the least effort of any competitor during the first round.  Now, we all saw how that ended for Denver…but Shitass and Surg still have an opportunity at a historic comeback.  The good news is that since they have been forgetting to make their picks a lot (I know the feeling), there are still a lot of good players available for them to pick because they haven’t used anyone yet.  The bad news of course is, if they are anything like the actual Nuggets, they are spending their free time searching for available bodily surface area for additional tattoos.  Shitassbutt…how good would ‘Shit Ass’ look tattoo’d across your butt?  Impossible to  know until you try, right?  I’d pitch in $20 to see that.  Anyone else?

That concludes our Update #3!!  Feel free to email us with your comments at AthleteTalk@gmail.com.  Or you can post a comment below and everyone can see it.  Also, check out past Drive to the Finals updates here:

Update #2

Update #1

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NBA Playoffs Round 2 Mascot Challenge!

Anyone think it’s weird that each series is being decided by which team’s mascot could beat the other team’s mascot? Think about it:

Mavs (mascot is a horse) vs. Spurs: The entire purpose of the Spur is to use it to control a horse! No wonder the Spurs won this series. It’s so simple.

Cavs (a human with a sword) vs the Bulls: Humans with swords OWN bulls all the time in Spain. Fuck, this is easy.

Magic vs Bobcats: Really, will Bobcats be able to beat the Magic? Eff no. Bobcats are dumb animals with claws and the Magic = awesome. Little kids don’t want have “bobcat shows” at their birthday party.  Plus, Magic could turn Bobcats into whatever they want.  Frogs, lizards, black top hats…the possibilities are endless!  And so is the potential of this year’s Magic squad.

Bucks vs Hawks: Hawks do have claws and can fly around and crap like that, but the Bucks are like 10 times their size. One good thump from the antlers and the hawks are on the ground being trampled on.  The only chance the Hawks have is avoid the antlers and fly around fast enough to confuse the Bucks and make them dizzy so they fall down or give up.  Clearly, thats what has happened in Game 6 & 7.

Thunder vs Lakers: Thunder-storms make Lakes BIGGER. Am I right? Heck yes I am right.  Okay, that has got to be the weakest logic so far…at least until the next matchup.

Celtics vs Heat: People do die from heat exhaustion, but not very many. If only the Heat played the Lakers, they could dry that s*** up. But vs the Celtics they will more than likely lose.

Jazz vs Nuggets: Music is eternal? This has to be a matchup of the two most non-threatening team nicknames in the the NBA.

Trail Blazers vs Suns: Trail Blazers die all the time (hence all the injuries). They could have just stayed in their towns and had a normal life, but nooooooo. They want to go out and explore new land. Suns win by default..

Clearly you can see a trend through the first round. So, what have we learned so far? It’s that Mascots are IRON clad predictors of how series will turn out. As long as you wait until the series is already over to give your logic for why the winning team won. That way you are never wrong, no matter how poor the logic used ends up being.

With that said, lets use the ‘Dominant Mascot’ theory to predict how the second round plays out?  So far, the Round 2 Mascot Matchups look like this:

Lakers vs Jazz:  Both nicknames score low on the Mascot scary-ness scale.  I guess Lakers are more scary because I could potentially drown?  I’m not sure. But there are few scenarios I would be afraid of ‘jazz’ unless there were other circumstances attached to it. Like, if an ugly chick asked me to go to a Jazz concert. Or, if there was an all day jazz marathon on my TV and the remote was broken. Hmmm, maybe I should reconsider my pick.

Celtics vs Cavaliers:  I think Man with Sword beats OUT OF SHAPE Man spinning basketball.  Cavaliers beat on the defenseless Celtics and win in 5.

Magic vs Hawks: Once again, hard not to like the Magic here right?  I don’t see how the Hawks could beat their Mystical powers. I think the Magic are going to turn the Hawks into the Bobcats and win convincingly.

Spurs Vs Suns:  Well, Suns mascot is a gorilla.  Spurs are generally used to OWN horses (see: Mavericks, Dallas) but they potentially could be adapted for gorillas.  How badass would it be to saddle up and ride a gorilla?  Plus, you could teach the gorilla sign language and kick it with your spur everytime it spelled a word wrong.

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